With the wind blowing through my hair and the sweet summer breeze dancing in between my finger tips, I finally start to feel the peace. This moment, so enriched with life’s gift of happiness, feels so magical to me. I want to savor every second. I let go of analyzing each detail and relax to the thought that if I want, this joy, it never has to fade.
It is euphoric, you know, being simply content. It’s like this incredible feeling takes you over, but at the same time it is completely subtle. It is absolutely incredible how many emotions the human brain is capable of feeling all in the same second. But at this moment I just felt happy. I felt content. And for once I was really just thinking that outside the little, minuscule world I live in, there is a whole universe waiting for me to see. There is so much life yet for me to discover. There are so many memories I have yet to endure. So many places I have yet to set my foot print on and make my own. I am just waiting to get out and see everything. I want to see every inch.
For once I felt totally optimistic and it was a filling feeling, a nice one.
And even now that it has come to a closure, I am loving it’s bitter sweet after taste lingering inside me.
Everyone has their own demons.
Is it moments like these that enrich our lives, is it the insignificant ones that diffuse it?
When I say lean on me, it is more complicated then that. Over and over this stream never does relax.
Stop, stop, stop screaming at me the facts. For you see this train I am settled on is pacing too quickly across the tracks.
Scream at me the significance. For I’m trying to hear the truth. Your perfection is no match for the worlds harsh scream. For this doesn’t even make sense, this doesn’t even make any sense.
It’s everything I know, it’s everything to be wrong about.
It’s clear, but blurry.
Straight, but crooked.
Happy, but lonely.
The water races to my eyes, rises at the brim.
And no matter how hard I try and strive to keep it all within. The tears locked on the inside of my eyes, it’s too much to try. And when it’s over, the tears they wash around the outside.
Were they ever even here to hide? Better to leave them stuck inside.
Give me the insignificant moments back. Give them to me back.
Enrich me, diffuse me.
Who even knows what she means.
There is peace it seems, as she quietly moves across the lawn.
kairosclerosis
n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste.
And love is it ever real, why does it seem to so wrongly appeal to me?
When you are looking for something, well that is when it never comes.
But there is this sickening hum inside my head, it crusades itself beneath my bones.
Begging, begging, begging.
I begin to let it slip beneath the skin.
The truth, it is never the truth really. The right words they never seem to appear, they do not bubble and rise to this focusing top. For no longer can I beg them to never stop.
This whirl it doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t make any sense.
Catch me as the hammock breaks, the tide escapes the shore.
Fix your filthy slant rhyme, jump off the cliff.
As if it never was.
But it’s all shit in the end, it’s all shit in the end.
And love is it ever real, why does it seem to so wrongly appeal to me?
The thoughts they gather around. Light as a feather I wish they’d silently fall to the ground.
They scatter this way and that way through my skull.
Barely ever do they quiet to a dull roar. Instead they continue to sore, tide breaking at the shore.
Never do they let me lullaby to a faint snore.
I used to be starving, with this insatiable hunger; I’ve eaten far too much and i am full, full, full, full of this indulgence take me back to bed- let me sleep, I can’t take this sickening sweetness eroding at my teeth. And it used to be so good but now it’s just not that sweet, while in my mouth, it still clung, I’ve found it’s more bitter as it moves farther back my tongue
You lose some and you win some they say. But what if you’re the one that only loses. You’re not attractive to the wins, but irresistible to the loses. For the happiness can’t find you. The road blocked, it isn’t going to swivel in the right direction. Push harder to become deaf to the rejection. Where’s the bright light, the never ending place to unite. Even fight for what is or isn’t right. Who are you to say? This or that, for this could be my dying day. Inch away, inch away.
